I Mandikiki' For Guam Families With Children Birth To Eight Volume 7, Issue 1 March 2013 Inside this issue: Catch a Child being Good..............................................1 Take Five or Knowing When to Call a “Time Out”......2 April is Child Abuse Prevention Month...................3-5 Infant & Toddler Story Time Schedule.........................6 Resources..........................................................................7 EC Courses/Pre-Natal Class /Parent Training Ad........8 Catch a Child Being Good When you walk into a room and find it messy and realize that the young child standing there made the mess, what is your first reaction? It is very easy to get upset and frustrated. Sometimes it can be hard to get past your first reaction to the mess. But when you do, you can begin to figure out the reasons behind the child’s behavior. If you take a moment to pause and try to understand what the child was doing and why, you may actually catch a child being good. Sometimes you may find that instead of a child just making a mess, that he/she is actually trying to make you breakfast or a gift for your birthday or even trying to help you in some other way. If you find yourself in a similar situation, take the opportunity to acknowledge their good intentions first. For example, with making breakfast, appreciate your child’s efforts by taking the time to eat and enjoy breakfast with your child. Then, tell your child that it is important for the “cook” to clean up his/her mess in the kitchen. You can offer to help them clean up. If your child gets overwhelmed with the mess, then giving step-by-step directions is helpful. As another example, for making a gift for your birthday, you can say, “I am very excited to have a birthday gift from you! Thank you! I wonder what it is! I would like to help you clean up this mess first so that we can have lots of time to enjoy my birthday gift! Let’s hurry!” To catch a child being good, take a moment to look at the situation and try to understand the causes of their behavior. By doing all that, you are helping your child to continue being good! Text in colored box: * Child Guidance/Discipline Tips * Set clear rules * Make sure the child understands the rules * Enforce the rules consistently * Model good behavior * Reward good behavior * Understand why the child breaks the rules * Provide fair and logical consequences to rule-breaking behaviors * Be sure to be calm and composed when giving consequences * Make sure the child understands their behaviors and consequences as soon as possible after they happen * Seek assistance when the child does not want to change their rule-breaking behaviors Sources: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/discipline-tactics http://www.webmd.com/parenting/family-health-12/how-to-child-discipline http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/discipline http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/physical_health/child_development primary_discipline.shtml Page 2 Know When to Take Five There’s toothpaste all over the bathroom sink. The rubbish didn’t quite make it into the trash can. You stepped on a toy car in the middle of the night and you know you told the kids to put all their toys away. Someone forgot to replace the empty toilet paper roll or worse, forgot to put the toilet seat down. Maybe your child does something uncharacteristic and you wonder where it came from. Makes you want to scream, right? Sometimes it’s not just one thing that sets off the anger, like finding the toothpaste all over the bathroom sink or an out-of-the-blue incident, but more of a combination of little things. When all the little things are added together, it’s kind of like steam building in a boiling kettle. Eventually, the steam has to escape. Anger is an emotion we all know well. When we get angry, our heart beats a little faster, our blood pressure rises, and we may feel like our heads will explode. We want to curse, yell, scream, kick, punch, fight—all the things we see our children doing when they’re angry— but deep down we know we should not. Besides, we know that when our children do those things, it makes us angrier. Let’s look at some ways we can “take five” and calm down. Give yourself a “time out.” When sports teams call “time out” on the field, they use that moment to refocus and regroup. Removing yourself from the situation gives you a chance to think. Take a few minutes away from the situation to gather your thoughts. Think before you speak. Take a few deep breaths before you say what you want to say. Taking deep breaths gives us a chance to gather our thoughts. It helps stops us from saying the things we don’t really mean. Express your anger without being angry. After you take those deep breaths, it’s okay to say, “Mommy is very upset right now because…” Children need to know that parents do get upset, but they also need to know why. Giving the reasons for being angry helps the child know what went wrong and how to prevent it from happening again. Don’t hold a grudge. Once you’ve talked to your child about misbehavior, let it go. It doesn’t help anyone to bring it up again later when your child does something else. Chances are your child doesn’t remember what he or she did three months ago so bringing it up again won’t help matters. Identify possible solutions. If you notice that the same things make you angry over and over again, sit down with your child and talk about ways to prevent them from happening again. We can teach our children to use these same tips to manage their anger. We know that children learn by example. So, if we want them to deal with their frustrations in a more positive way, we need to show them how to do that. Resources: http://www.scholastic.com/parents/resources/article/ praise-discipline/anger-management-children http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-management/ MH00102 http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx Page 3 April is Child Abuse Prevention Month It’s tough to talk about child abuse. Who would ever want to hurt an innocent child? Who would want to cause bodily and emotional harm to a beautiful child? As much as we would like to only see wonderful things happening to our beloved children, according to the Child Abuse Prevention Center, a report of child abuse is made every ten seconds in the United States! On Guam, child abuse happens too often and rates continue to rise. According to Child Protective Services (CPS) of the Department of Public Health and Social Services, Guam has a big problem with this issue (see chart at right). In February 2013 alone, 208 referrals were made to the Department for suspected child abuse and neglect. In Fiscal Year 2012, there were 941 referrals to CPS for physical abuse, 524 referrals for sexual abuse, and 644 referrals for emotional abuse. If you compare the numbers from 2009 to 2012, the number of referrals has more than doubled in these categories! What can we do about this tragic situation? A start would be to let everyone know that we have a problem. April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month and so we would like to bring attention to this problem and share tips on how to prevent child abuse and neglect from happening. The tips on the next two pages from The Child Abuse Prevention Center are provided as strategies for consideration when interacting with young children in stressful situations. Table: Child Abuse and Neglect Statistics FY 2012 CPS Referrals Received: 1988 Total Number of Children, Subject of CPS Report 3064 FY 2011 CPS Referrals Received: 1897 Total Number of Children, Subject of CPS Report: 2512 FY 2010 CPS Referrals Received: 1403 Total Number of Children, Subject of CPS Report: 2032 FY 2009 CPS Referrals Received: 1171 Total Number of Children, Subject of CPS Report: 1593 CPS Referrals by Maltreatment Type & TOTAL FY 2012 Physical Abuse: 941 Sexual Abuse: 524 Emotional Abuse: 644 Neglect – Physical: 295 Neglect – Medical: 276 Neglect – Abandonmen126t: Neglect – Educational: 234 Neglect – Emotional: 123 Neglect – Lack of Adult S460upervision: Neglect – Deprivation of Nec3essities: Total: 3626 FY 2011 Physical Abuse: 763 Sexual Abuse: 434 Emotional Abuse: 532 Neglect – Physical: 208 Neglect – Medical: 196 Neglect – Abandonment: 76 Neglect – Educational: 159 Neglect – Emotional: 71 Neglect – Lack of Adult Supervision: 282 Neglect – Deprivation of Necessities: 11 Total: 2732 FY 2010 Physical Abuse: 478 Sexual Abuse: 313 Emotional Abuse: 270 Neglect – Physical: 99 Neglect – Medical: 138 Neglect – Abandonment: 45 Neglect – Educational: 100 Neglect – Emotional: 47 Neglect – Lack of Adult Supervision: 162 Neglect – Deprivation of Necessities: 0 Total: 1652 FY 2009 Physical Abuse: 479 Sexual Abuse: 229 Emotional Abuse: 254 Neglect – Physical: 188 Neglect – Medical: 95 Neglect – Abandonment: 45 Neglect – Educational: 90 Neglect – Emotional: 93 Neglect – Lack of Adult Supervision: 117 Neglect – Deprivation of Necessities: 0 Total: 1587 Page 4 Positive Parent Discipline What’s Happenning Discipline is helping children develop self-control and appropriate social behavior. It is one of a parent’s most important, yet most difficult, tasks. By following proven disciplinary ideas, this job can be much easier and great results can be accomplished. Good parental discipline builds responsible children with positive self-esteem and values. Why Children Misbehave * Low self-esteem * Lack of positive role models * Frustration or anger * Feelings of neglect * Insecurity * Inadequate parental interest and guidance * Extremely high expectations from adults * Failing grades in school * Inadequate sleep * Reaction to family changes such as divorce or separation * To seek attention-negative attention may seem better than no attention Parent’s Toolbox – Prevention Tools: Check the Basics: Is the child hungry, tired or sick? Some children become irritable at predictable times of the day. Communicate Clear Expectations: Children need to know what behavior parents expect. Instructions should be stated as simply as possible using words your child can understand, speaking clearly, with eye contact to be sure you have his/her attention. Tell your child why the behavior is important. After you’ve clearly stated your expectations, consider rehearsing the desired behavior with the child if the situation is appropriate. Change The Environment: The environment can be changed (something taken away, added, or rearranged) to avoid inappropriate behavior. For instance, if a two-year-old is pulling the leaves off your plants, the plants can be moved to a higher shelf. Make the environment fit the needs of the child. Model Appropriate Behavior: Children imitate the behavior of others. Show your children how you want them to behave. Children learn from what they see. If they see appropriate behaviors, they will act appropriately. Plan Transitions: Many people, especially young children, have difficulty changing activities without warning. (For example, your three-year-old is watching his favorite TV show; you tell him it’s time for bed.) Preparing your child for transitions (“As soon as this show is over, it will be time to get ready for bed”) and involving him in the next activity (“You can choose which pajamas you want to wear”) may smooth this stress. Use Humor: Many times, potentially tense or difficult moments can be eased by humor, silliness, or a hug. Try using a puppet. Sometimes a child will cooperate with a puppet’s request while resisting yours. Sometimes we just need to lighten up. Offer A Choice Between Two Alternatives: Offering a child a choice helps her to feel she has control over her life and helps gain her cooperation. Ask your child, “would you rather wear your nightgown or pajamas to bed?” or “What would you like to do before we leave the park, swing for five minutes or play on the slide for five minutes?” Reduce Boredom: Some children get into trouble when they are bored. Involving them in an interesting activity or conversation will redirect their energy. Source: http://www.thecapcenter.org/admin/upload/Positive%20 Parental%20Discipline.pdf. Reprinted with permission from The Child Abuse Prevention Center. Page 5 Dealing with Temper Tantrums What’s Happenning Toddlers have many skills, but controlling their tempers is not one of them. Tantrums are common between ages 2-3 because toddlers are becoming independent and developing their own wants, needs, and ideas. However, they are not yet able to express their wants and feelings with words. Take comfort in the fact that most children outgrow tantrums by age 4. What You Might Be Seeing It is normal when toddlers: * Say “no!” “mine!” and “do it myself!” * Test rules over and over to see how parents will react * Are not yet ready to share * What You Might Be Seeing * Need lots of fun activities, play times, and opportunities to explore the world * Respond well to a routine for sleeping and eating (a regular schedule) * Imitate grown-ups and want to “help” mom and dad What You Can Do It is often easier to prevent tantrums than to deal with them once they get going. Try these tips: * Direct your child’s attention to something else. (“Wow, look at that fire engine!”) * Give your child a specific choice in small matters. (“Do you want to eat peas or carrots?) * Stick to a daily routine that balances fun activities with enough rest and healthy food. * Develop a feeling vocabulary, so your child will be able to tell you how they are feeling rather than act it. * Anticipate when your child will be disappointed. (“We are going to buy groceries for dinner. We won’t be buying cookies, but you can help me pick out some fruit for later.”) * Praise your child’s behavior when he or she shows self-control and expresses feelings with words. If you can’t prevent the tantrum, here are some tips for dealing with it: * Say what you expect from your child and have confidence that your child will behave. * Remain calm. You are a role model for your child. * Holding your child during a tantrum may help a younger child feel more secure and calm down more quickly. * Take your child to a quiet place where he or she can calm down safely. Speak softly or play soft music. * Some children throw tantrums to seek attention. Try ignoring the tantrum, but pay attention to your child after he or she calms down. * Resist overreacting to tantrums, and try to keep your sense of humor. When disciplining your child, keep these 4 questions in mind: 1. What do I want my child to learn? 2. Is what I’m doing teaching that? 3. Are there any negative results from it? 4. If so, what can I do differently? Text in box: When your child is having a floor-thumping tantrum, the most important thing you can do is remain calm and wait it out. Do not let your child’s behavior cause you to lose control, too. Source: http://www.thecapcenter.org/admin/upload/TemperTantrums.pdf. Reprinted with permission from The Child Abuse Prevention Center. Page 6 Full page ad: The Guam Early Intervention System in collaboration with the Guam Public Library System presents Infant &Toddler Story Time Come join us and enjoy exciting stories and fun arts & crafts activities for your child! Open to all infants and toddlers 4 years or younger who are not currently in school! Where: Guam Public Library (See below for your nearest location) What Time: 9:30 AM to 11:00 AM Dededo Thursday, March 7, 2013 Thursday, March 21, 2013 Thursday, April 11, 2013 Thursday, April 25, 2013 Thursday, May 9, 2013 Thursday, May 23, 2013 Thursday, June 20, 2013 Thursday, July 18, 2013 Barrigada Thursday, March 7, 2013 Thursday, April 11, 2013 Thursday, May 9, 2013 Thursday, June 20, 2013 Thursday, July 18, 2013 Hagatna Thursday, March 21, 2013 Thursday, April 25, 2013 Thursday, May 23, 2013 Thursday, June 20, 2013 Thursday, July 18, 2013 Yona Monday, March 4, 2013 Monday, April 8, 2013 Monday, May 6, 2013 Monday, June 17, 2013 Monday, July 15, 2013 Agat Tuesday, March 19, 2013 Tuesday, April 23, 2013 Tuesday, May 21, 2013 Tuesday, June 18, 2013 Tuesday, July 16, 2013 Families are welcome to participate in ANY or ALL library sessions in all locations at any of the above dates. Note: Schedule may be subject to change. For more information contact the Guam Early Intervention System at 300-5776/5816 or visit our website at www.gdoe.net/geis. Page 7 Resources For Parents * Parenting With Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay * The Irreducible Needs of Children: What Every Child Must Have to Grow, Learn, and Flourish by T. Berry Brazelton and Stanley Greenspan * Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish * Raising a Thinking Child: Help Your Young Child to Resolve Everyday Conflicts and Get Along with Others by Myrna B. Shure and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo * The WonderWise Parent http://www.k-state.edu/wwparent/wondhome.htm * Center for Effective Parenting http://parenting-ed.org/ For Childcare Providers/Teachers * Classroom Management and Guidance/Discipline Plan http://www.millikin.edu/academics/cps/education/ncate/exhibits/ Documents/OfficialCA5-EarlyChildhoodClassroomManagementP landescription.pdf * Wanted: A Child Care Program With No Screaming http://www.earlychildhoodnews.com/earlychildhood/article_ view.aspx?ArticleID=686 * Developmentally Appropriate Child Guidance http://www.childcarequarterly.com/spring09_story1a.html * Democratic Discipline in your Classroom http://www.naeyc.org/files/yc/file/200307/DemocraticDiscipline. pdf * Positive Discipline for Childcare Providers: A practical and effective plan for every preschool and daycare program by Cheryl Erwin * Rules in school: Teaching discipline in the responsive classroom by Kathryn Brady, Mary Beth Forton, Deborah Porter * For Children * Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak * Finn Throws a Fit! by David Elliott * No, David!, David Goes to School, David Gets in Trouble by David Shannon * Words are Not for Hurting, Feet are Not for Kicking by Elizabeth Verdick, Hands are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi * Martha Doesn’t Say Sorry! by Samantha Berger * Pinkerton, Behave! By Steven Kellogg Acknowledgements: I Mandikiki’ is a publication supported with 100% federal funding through the Guam State Advisory Council Grant, and Project Tinituhon and is facilitated by the University of Guam Center for Excellence in Developmental Disabilities Education, Research, and Service (Guam CEDDERS). Heidi San Nicolas, Ph.D., Guam CEDDERS Director Elaine Eclavea, Health, Wellness, & Prevention Initiative Area Coordinator Editor-in-Chief: Terrie Fejarang Managing Editors: Vera Blaz & Felicity Grandjean, Ph.D. Layout: Sean Lizama This issue of I Mandikiki’ was made possible through contributions from the following individuals: Vera Blaz, Felicity Grandjean, Ph.D. Alternative formats (e.g., Braille, large print, or audio tapes) of I Mandikiki’ may be made available by sending a request to newsletters@guamcedders.org or 735-2477. Page 8 Visit the new Guam Early Learning Council Website! www.guamelc.org FREE COURSES For Foster Parents, Child Caregivers, and Interested Individuals * March 2013, TBA, Children With Special Needs – Part B, F2F * March 2013, TBA, Creative Arts – Part C (Dramatic Arts), F2F * March 2013, TBA, Child Development – Preschooler, OL * April 2013, TBA, Child Development – Infant, OL * April 2013, TBA, Children with Special Needs – Part C, F2F * May 2013, TBA, Children with Special Needs – Part A, F2F * March - April 2013, TBA, Mentoring New Early Childhood Providers, F2F & OL Key: F2F = Face-to-Face class at University of Guam. OL = Online class. All classes run for a 3-week period. NOTE: All of the listed courses are for 1.5 CEUs each. Completion of “Working With Young Children” Parts A, B, and C, for a total of 4.5 CEUs, will meet the in-service requirements for Early Childhood Assistant Provider, Level 1 as stated in Guam’s Plan for Professional Development. For “Working with Young Children” and “Child Guidance & Discipline” Part A must be taken first, then Part B, and then Part C must be taken last. For more information on these courses, please contact Terry Naputi at 735-2363 or email at terry.naputi@guamcedders.org. *Dates and times are subject to change based on enrollment. This ad is supported 100% by the Guam State Advisory Council Grant from the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, Administration on Children and Families and facilitated by the University of Guam Center for Excellence in Developmental Disabilities, Education, and Research (Guam CEDDERS). Ads in colored boxes: Ad 1: FREE PRENATAL CLASS! The Guam Memorial Hospital (GMH) Prenatal Class is held at GMH on the first Monday of each month, unless it’s a holiday. If a holiday, it will be held the next Monday. When: First Monday of the month Time: 1:00pm - 3:00pm Where: 4th floor, Education Classroom, Guam Memorial Hospital Learn about safety in pregnancy, labor and birth, breastfeeding, admission to GMH, and more. For more information, call the Education Dept at 647-2350 Ad 2: ATTENTION: All Day Care Centers and Parent Organizations The State Advisory Council Grant is providing FREE Parent Training! “Young Brains Can’t Wait!” To arrange for a FREE Parent training at your center or for your Parent Organization call 735-2363.