I Mandikiki' For Guam Families With Children Birth To Eight Volume 7, Issue 2 July 2013 Inside this issue: Raising Happy Kids......................................................1-4 Social Emotional Tips for Families with Infants.....4-5 Project Kariñu: It’s About Strengthening Families....6 Nene Directory Available Online!.................................7 Guam EHDI Advertisement..............................................7 Project Kariñu Advertisement.......................................8 Page 1-2 Raising Happy Kids You have just given birth. That was the hard part, right? Many mothers will tell you that the hard part is just beginning. You’re probably still thinking, “How hard can it be? All the baby needs is to be fed, clothed and sheltered. Feed baby. Burp baby. Change baby. Make baby sleep.” If only it were that simple. Your baby’s development is so complex. Has your toddler ever done something and someone said, “She got that from you?” Babies learn so much from the world around them. They pick up our mannerisms, our likes and dislikes, and other things just from being around us. We want them to learn all the good things and we can nurture that. But, we don’t want baby to learn only by doing what we do. We want to make sure that baby learns in other ways. Feeding time isn’t just about nourishment. Every time you feed your child, it sends the message that you recognize and see the importance of her need to eat. She is learning that she can rely on you to feed her on a consistent basis. Telling her what you’re doing as you hold and feed her—“We’re going to eat now. Here’s your milk.”—lets her begin to know what she is eating. You might be thinking that talking to a baby who can’t respond back to you is weird or crazy, but research has shown that all that talking is good for baby’s development. She starts to learn about language and her brain starts thinking, and she also learns the comfort and security of your voice and touch. The same can be said for dressing your baby. Did you ever wonder how you learned what a shirt was or what those things you put on your feet are? For that matter, how did you learn that your feet were your feet? Chances are that one of your family members told you over and over what they were. As you dress your baby, tell him what you’re doing. “Let’s put on your shirt. First, one arm and then the other. We pull it down to cover our tummy.” He is learning his body parts as well as the clothing you put on those parts. He is also learning that mommy or daddy want to make sure he isn’t too hot or too cold and that gives him a greater sense of love. What about reading to baby? As you hold baby and read to her, she feels the comfort and safety of your arms, the soothing of your voice, and begins to recognize sounds that form words. She may not be able to understand what you are saying right from the start, but the simple act of being held as a book is being read gives baby a sense of love and security. Talking to, holding, comforting, dressing, and feeding your baby are just a few examples of how you help him develop social-emotional skills. All of the things we do with and say to baby helps him relate to other people and recognize their feelings and emotions as he grows older. Here are a few tips to help develop your child’s social- emotional skills. Photo with caption: Parents Troy and Tricia Lizama nurture a household of five active and happy children. Page 2-4 Text in table; 2-column Birth to 1 ½ months 1st column: Look for your child to: * Trust someone to meet her needs. * Like to look at people. * Stop crying when you hold her and take care of her. * Respond to touch. 2nd column: What is happening and how you can help: * Respond quickly to her cries. It gives her a sense of security. * Respond to her when she is alert. Her interest in people is the first sign she likes to socialize. * Meet her needs. You can’t spoil a newborn. * Let her wrap her fingers around yours. Holding on can be calming for her. 1 ½ to 3 ½ months 1st column: Look for your child to: * Know you and other family members. * Copy the faces you make. * Smile. 2nd column: What is happening and how you can help: * Help your child feel secure in your love by cuddling, singing, rocking, and speaking softly to her. She is learning to trust you and other family members. * Take turns making faces with your baby. * When your baby smiles at you, smile back. Look your baby in the eye when you talk to her and feed her. Eye contact and smiling go together 3 ½ to 5 ½ months 1st column: Look for your child to: * Like to be held by you and enjoy playing with you. * Laugh. * Stop crying when he sees you coming. * 2nd column: What is happening and how you can help: * Spend time cuddling, rocking and interacting with him. Show him you enjoy being with him by responding to the sounds and actions he makes. * Play with your baby and do things that make him giggle. Show him how to use toys and share his excitement as he grasps and explores those toys. Spend time paying attending to him when you are not distracted. * Because you respond right away when he cries, your baby trusts that you will make him feel better. Continue to read his cues for hunger, diaper changes, and boredom. 5 ½ to 8 months 1st column: Look for your child to: * Want you to pay attention to him. * Be shy or afraid around new people (stranger anxiety). * Be happy much of the time. 2nd column: What is happening and how you can help: * Respond to his attempts to get your attention. Read his cues for when he is tired, frustrated, wants to play, or feels affectionate. * Hold your baby when he meets people he doesn’t know well. Give him time to get used to others before they hold or play with him. * Rock and cuddle your baby. Tell him how happy he makes you feel and how much you love him. 8 to 14 months 1st column: Look for your child to: * Want to be with you. * Play simple games and copy your actions. * Show affection and annoyance. 2nd column: What is happening and how you can help: * Be there to comfort, calm, help and love him. He is learning that someone can still exist even when out of his sight. When you go away, reassure him that you will return. When you get back, give him a big hug! * Interact by playing peek-a-boo, pat-a-cake, and chase. * Be enthusiastic about his hugs and kisses. When he is upset, be patient and sensitive. 14 to 24 months 1st column: Look for your child to: * Want her own way and say “no” a lot. * Have temper tantrums. * Feed or care for a doll or stuffed animal. 2nd column: What is happening and how you can help: * Show her you are happy when she does things you like. When she does things you don’t like, distract her by singing a song, talking about a fun activity, or taking her to another room in the house. * Be calm when she gets mad. Let her have the tantrum in a safe place away from your attention. Hug her when she calms down. * Your child likes to do pretend play. Show her how to pretend feed a doll or stuffed animal with toy bottles or dishes. 24 to 36 months 1st column: Look for your child to: * Begin to understand and follow simple rules. * Start to show feeling in socially acceptable ways and use her words to label emotions. * Use “my” and “mine” a lot. 2nd column: What is happening and how you can help: * Set three to five rules that are important to you and stick to them. If she breaks one, tell her what she did wrong. Give your child lots of praise when she follows a rule. Tell her exactly what she did right. * Tell your child you are happy when she does something you like. Give her words that go with other emotions too: scared, angry, proud, sad, and surprised. * Your child values her property. Sharing is hard for her. Show your child how to take turns—she may not understand that the toys she gives away will come back to her again. 3 to 5 years 1st column: Look for your child to: * Be aware of himself. * Be more aware of friends. * Start to solve conflict. 2nd column: What is happening and how you can help: * Show him you are proud of his abilities and traits like kindness. Encourage him to be proud of the things he has done by saying, “The table has everything we need. Thank you for setting it.” He enjoys helping and wants to please you. * Your child is getting better at playing with others and taking turns, but at times you may need to help him include other children in his play. * Your child learns to solve conflict through experience, so teach him to use his works to express feelings. During disagreements, give him time to use the strategies you have taught him before you step in. Tips adapted from Parents as Teachers ™ Foundational Curriculum Page 4- 5 Tips to Promote Positive Communication Communicating with people involves the exchange of information. Passing information from one person to another takes place not only through words but also through body language. How we communicate with our body is just as important as the words we use. Smiles or frowns, slaps or hugs, a warm tone or a mean or cold voice all are part of how we send messages to other people. Young children learn ways of communication through direct observation from adults and their older siblings. Providing positive examples of how to express ideas and thoughts from the very beginning will impact a child’s relationships with others throughout their lives. The following information, based on “Winning Ways To Talk with Young Children,” by Betsy R. Schenck, provides reasons why communication is important and strategies to nurture “winning ways to communicate” in young children. Try them out! Keep in mind that some tips work better than others with certain kids. If one strategy doesn’t seem to work, try another. Photo with caption: Playing together and gentle horsing around helps create a special bond between father and daughter, CJ San Miguel and Carter Rupley. Diagram: * Good Communication leads to: • Warm relationships • Cooperation • Feelings of worth * Poor Communication leads to: • Kids who “turn off ” adults • Conflicts and bickering • Feelings of worthlessness * When adults • Threaten • Command • Preach • Lectures; Example: Joe: “Mom, I’m afraid to sleep by myself.” Mom: “You should be a ashamed! You’re acting like a big baby! * The child feels • “I’m bad.” • “You don’t like me.” • “I can’t do anything right.” * Strategy: “I know it’s scary sometimes. I will turn on the night light and leave the door open for you.” * “Door Openers” are strategies to say more, to share thoughts and feelings. They are signs that you are really listening to, are interested, and respect the child. “I see.” “Tell me more.” “Oh.” “Say that again, please.” “Mm hmmmm” “No kidding?” “How about that!” “That’s interesting.” “Really?” * Active Listening: Although challenging at times, try to devote full attention to what a child is saying. It is difficult to multitask when a child is trying to talk to an adult. You might need to stop what you are doing at the moment to pay close attention to the child. Caution: If you are busy and cannot stop what you are doing (talking with another adult, or are on the phone, for example), tell the child, “I’m busy right now, you will have to wait for me to finish.” Then be sure you do get back to your child as soon as possible. * Use More Do’s Than Don’ts: Approach things in a positive way. This may take a fair amount of practice but it is worth the effort. Here are some examples: Say: “Be gentle with the dog.” “Please close the door gently.” “Please keep the food on your plate.” Instead of: “Don’t hit or squeeze the dog.” “Don’t slam the door.” “Don’t throw your food.” * Use “I-Messages” to Communicate Your Thoughts and Feelings “I-messages” are statements of fact. They tell the child how his behavior makes the adult feel. Often children don’t know how their behavior affects others. “I-messages” are much more effective than “you-messages” when the child misbehaves. I-messages” give the child responsibility for changing his behavior. I-Message • I need help cleaning up. • I don’t feel like reading a story when I’m tired. • I sure get upset when I see mud on the floor. • I can’t hear you with all that screaming. • I don’t understand. You-Message • You sure made a mess. • You’re a pain! • You ought to be ashamed! • You better shut up! • You’re dumb. * Other tips: • Communicate at eye-level. • Keep requests simple. Get the child’s attention before speaking to him. • Say “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome” to children. • Try not to interrupt and scold children when they are telling you their stories. • Use positive and kind words to encourage and build up the child. Accepting a child the way he is helps with the communication process Adapted from “Winning Ways To Talk with Young Children,” by Betsy R. Schenck, one of a series of the Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, Florida Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Feel and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida. Publication date: April 2000. Page 6 Project Kariñu: It’s About Strengthening Families by Jason Tedtaotao With less than a month to go before the start of the 2013-2014 school year, Nellie Duenas and Manny Tedtaotao are excited that their son, Dreven, is ready to begin his first day at M.A. Ulloa Elementary School’s Kindergarten Program. The journey taken by Nellie, Manny, Dreven, and his three siblings, to reach what will be one of the most important moments in Dreven’s life, has not been without its challenges. Nellie and Manny know that Dreven and his siblings have been through a whole lot in the last couple of years. It was this critical period of birth through five years of age when Nellie and Manny observed that Dreven often got very upset when he did not get his way, could not control his temper, and needed to be engaged in activities so not to lose interest and attention. It was in June 2011, while attending a Department of Public Health and Social Services outreach clinic, when Nellie and Manny first learned about Project Kariñu. As Nellie and Manny made their way around the different information tables, they met Lolita Leon Guerrero, a Family Partner with Project Kariñu. Lolita handed Nellie and Manny a brochure and gave a brief summary of the services being provided by Project Kariñu to children and their families. As Lolita spoke of some of the signs and symptoms that were common in children with social and emotional concerns, Nellie and Manny immediately realized Project Kariñu might be able to help address their uncertainty with Dreven’s behavior. It was at that point when Dreven and his family became a part of the Project Kariñu family. Within less than a week’s time, Dreven and his family met with other Project Kariñu staff including Dr. Lilli Perez, Clinical Director for Project Kariñu, and Hope Pangelinan, one of the program’s Wrap Coordinators. In the months since Nellie and Manny contacted Project Kariñu, Dreven received various services that have helped him to become calm and much more social with his siblings, relatives, and friends. Nellie and Manny say that their son’s behavior has changed for the better and that the same can be said of their family since their involvement with Project Kariñu. In addition to providing services that were aimed at addressing Dreven’s behavioral concerns, Nellie, Manny, and their children appreciate all the other help Project Kariñu extended, such as parenting and family support workshops, play dates, and child care services, to name a few. While Nellie and Manny understood that these services were focused on helping Dreven, they appreciated the full wrap- around support they received, which helped them and their other children focus on supporting Dreven. Through their experiences with Project Kariñu, Dreven’s siblings have grown to learn and understand that their brother needs their love and support. Nellie and Manny admit that Dreven’s older siblings have matured in such a short amount of time as evidenced in the way they interact with their younger brother. Like their parents, Dreven’s siblings have learned to become patient and supportive of their brother. Project Kariñu is an early childhood initiative using a Public Health approach that services children ages birth through five years, and provides screening, assessment, mental health promotion and consultation, family education, and individualized services and supports. For more information call 478-5400 or visit www.projectkarinu.org. Page 7 Advertisement 1: The 2013 Nene Directory is now available online! Go to www.guamcedders.org to download your copy! Hard copies will be available July 31. Call 735-2477 to reserve your copy or email margie.johnson@guamcedders.org. Advertisement 2: Your baby’s hearing is IMPORTANT To schedule a FREE HEARING SCREENING by six months of age for your baby, contact the Guam Early Intervention System (GEIS) at Phone: 300-5776 / 5816. Produced by the Guam Early Hearing Detection and Intervention (Guam EHDI) Project with 100% funding support by the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, Health Resources and Services Administration, Grant No. H61MC00094, and facilitated by the University of Guam Center for Excellence in Developmental Disabilities Education, Research, & Service (Guam CEDDERS). Acknowledgements: I Mandikiki’ is a publication supported with 100% federal funding through the Guam State Advisory Council Grant, and Project Tinituhon and is facilitated by the University of Guam Center for Excellence in Developmental Disabilities Education, Research, and Service (Guam CEDDERS). Heidi San Nicolas, Ph.D., Guam CEDDERS Director Elaine Eclavea, Health, Wellness, & Prevention Initiative Area Coordinator Editor-in-Chief: Terrie Fejarang Managing Editors: Vera Blaz Layout: Sean Lizama This issue of I Mandikiki’ was made possible through contributions from the following individuals: Vera Blaz, Terrie Fejarang, and Jason Tedtaotao. Alternative formats (e.g., Braille, large print, or audio tapes) of I Mandikiki’ may be made available by sending a request to newsletters@guamcedders.org or 735-2477. Page 8 Full page Ad: Project Kariñu Loving Our Babies Phone: 478-5400 Website: projectkarinu.org Guam’s Early Childhood System of Care 194 Hernan Cortez Ave. Suite 208, Terlaje Professional Building, Hagatna, Guam 96910 This Ad is Funded By: SAMHSA Grant #5U79FM059022-04.